So, it’s here again for another year. It’s going to happen and there’s nothing we can do about it and there’s no way we can get away from it. It’s like when your mother-in-law arrives just in time for kick off and proceeds to talk all the way through the first half, shut up for half time, before continuing her discussions through the second half, blissfully unaware that you’re trying to watch the match. Though, to be honest, if she wanted to distract me for 96 minutes tomorrow, she would be welcome to (bear in mind I’m single and haven’t got a mother-in-law here, so it’s going to have to be a very quick courtship and wedding at this late stage).

I hate derby day. As simple as that. I hate it. It’s a truly horrible day. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s the worst day of the football season. And some fool at the FA decided that it should happen twice a season. Clearly somebody is off their rocker.

It never fails to leave your stomach feeling the way it does after you’ve had a bug for three days and haven’t eaten. It never fails to make your fingernails shorter by however far you can physically get your teeth in behind them. It never fails to put your body under more stress than taking an exam that your life depended on you passing.

I’m not aware of such a test existing, but it’d definitely spice up GCSE exam halls.

One reason why it makes me (and I assume other Manchester City fans) feel like this is simple. The result is amplified: wins feel better, defeats feel worse, while draws feel like even damper squibs than they were. But the biggest reason of all, however, is actually that we’re Manchester City fans. Doing things the easy way isn’t in the club’s nature, so getting through derby day isn’t a simple achievement.

United fans have it easy. It’s win-win in their camp. They win, they get to taunt some City fans. They lose, they get to pretend that Liverpool is their big fixture and they don’t really care about City anyway. Though, of course, we all know they do thanks to the outrage felt at the Welcome to Manchester billboard, the (now cancelled) party to celebrate City’s lack of success and the (club endorsed) banner that shows the years where we have won nothing… thank you for showing such concern in little ol’ City.

That’s what makes the game so difficult to endure. It’s a horrible day, invented so neutrals can watch as people like me suffer nervous breakdowns and a whole manner of heart problems decades before we should. I love winning derbies, I just hate the actual playing of the game.

And then there are the neutrals! The pundits, ex-players, commentators, and fans of other clubs that don’t really care about the result, but take it upon themselves to tell us how much of a great game it’s going to be. The media build-up is incredible: you would think that no football match is ever going to be like it until the end of recorded time ever (which, at Old Trafford, will probably have about seven or eight added minutes).

The strange and ever-so paradoxical thing is that I’m now a part of that crazy build-up to the game. By writing this column, by doing this City podcast, or by being on the other City radio show that I am, I’m adding pre-match build up to the already unnecessary pre-match build up to a game that I hate watching every time it comes around.

And tomorrow’s game does have so much riding on it. United have just lost to Wolves and have lost their unbeaten run. City have dragged themselves out of a sticky patch of form with a comfortable victory over West Brom. But the form book traditionally goes out of the window when it comes down to who will win, especially as City tend to do well in this fixture when they’ve recently been playing poorly.

A City victory would pull United closer and drag City towards the top of the league (still having played a game more, mind you, so, should it happen, let’s not get too carried away). A United victory sends them clear at the top of the league and shunts them away from their neighbours. And a draw probably does more for Arsenal that it does for either side, though I think City would be perfectly happy with a point at Old Trafford.

It’s difficult to say how City will set up – Ferdinand is supposed to be out of the match (though we’ll only know for sure when the teamsheets are announced, after all it’s not like Mr. Ferguson doesn’t have form when it comes to something like this) and that, in theory, should leave United lighter at the back. City played well against West Brom, especially with Kolarov on the left flank, but to go unchanged would leave out one of this season’s linchpins in Nigel de Jong, who may or may not be fit. There are big selection decisions to be made.

But, with the stakes higher this season than they have been in any season for a long time, the one thing I feel pretty assured in saying is that this will be a nervy game. We could end up with two sides who are cancelling each other out because neither wants to lose. I see a game decided by a wondergoal. Or a fluke. Or a moment of hideous defending. Or nine minutes of added time. I don’t see another 4-3 thriller, especially if the game at Eastlands – which, let’s be honest, had less riding on it at the time – was as cautious as it was.

United won’t sit back and defend. And that might well help City, since we’ve been pretty good on the break this season and, with one or two blips aside, pretty strong defensively. But if that’s how Mr. Mancini decides to set up, then this could be one of the longest 90 minutes of our lives.

Not including stoppage time, obviously.